How I Want to Remember You

I want to write these things down to remember them… like the energy retrieval I did with Bro before he left, where we called back any power he’d given away to people and places of his past, and we sent back anything that other humans or experiences or places had left with him. Then I showed him how he’d soon be returning to the earth, his body fading away, and his soul reaching its greatest heights. He stood with me in connection, eyes closed, deep breathing, for several minutes. I’ll hold the energy of that connection in my heart for a lifetime.

I want to remember how I did a connection with each one of my animals, explaining to them the process, how his body would be freed, and where he was going to be laid to rest. Each one of them having a different reaction, the most incredible of all being Biggie…who laid down next to his body and put his forehead against his, as I watched this incredible blue energy transfer out of bro and into Biggie, I’ve never seen anything like it before.

I want to remember how he’s the first to come walking to me when I whistle.

I want to remember the exuberance in his body as we do liberty work together. How amped he can get, yet take timothy pellets with the softest and most careful lips out of my hands.

I want to remember him rearing, and playing, and taking care of everyone else. How he was so spooky and unpredictable yet I would crouch underneath him knowing he’d never step on me.

I want to remember his favorite beer and his favorite whisky, and how we drank one with him before he left.

I want to remember how much he taught me, about training, about the body, about expression, about care, about holding space, about fear, about myself.

I’ve never met a horse whose eyes could change so drastically in an instant. One moment liquidy, soft – the next hard and round. They told a story.

I want to remember how he offered me the best possible version of himself each day, and every single day it was a different version that I learned to adapt to.

I want to remember that I just truly loved him for who he was, who he is, not for what he could do with me, or even what his body could do at all… I loved his heart, his spirit, his kindness.

He was and is a catalyst to so much of my learning. They all are, but this one is special.

We can honor our animals by finding gratitude for their lessons for us, and joy in the moments shared together.

After he left I asked him how I’d find him again. “Something blue”

And so I see him, everywhere in the world, and especially every time I close my eyes. He knew he could be more powerful on the other side, and that he is. 

(Tribute to Turk’s Soldier Boy aka Brogan)