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Honoring the Spirit of DOG

If you knew me sixish years ago, you knew DOG. She was part of every experience of every day. She was my heart and soul, and everyone who met her became obsessed with her awesomeness. To know her was to be completely fascinated by who she was. 

DOG showed up at my doorstep one day, right as I was starting my communication journey, when I was at my most vulnerable place internally and told me: “I traveled many miles to find you.” I remember being shocked that I heard her, and equally shocked that I believed her. 

I tried to close my heart to her, a coping mechanism I’ve carried my entire life. I walked around my neighborhood with her off leash, trying to find her ‘home’, I left her in the front yard to ‘go back’ to where she came from, but she never did. She was instantly loyal to me. She forced my heart completely open.

DOG was a big personality in a tiny brick house body. She went by DOG or GOD, both were fitting. 

When DOG left this physical world several years ago, I was unable to honor her life. Riddled with grief, what was once a big part of my every day life, heart, and conversation became an unspeakable memory to never be brought up again. Here one day, gone the next… without more than an ‘I love you, I’m sorry, good bye.’ I put a few crystals and a ball on her gravesite, hung up a wind chime, and closed my heart forever. It wasn’t until I met Bro, when my heart finally began to open again, which is why his death was such a tragedy to me. After he left I was reminded of this wound that I’ve stuffed down for years.

DOG was a boundary setter, she did her own thing, minded her own business but she was honest and you always knew where she stood. She was not looking for a fight but if someone came to her with one, she was going to finish it. She was lover at heart but a fighter in sprit, and it wasn’t until recently that I learned she was guiding me to heal wounds of betrayal and invasiveness. 

There came a time in our lives where the fights grew more frequent, what was once her waiting for the fight to come to her, transformed into seeking the fight, almost being proactive about it. I understand now looking back on the humans I had in my life at the time, that I was not standing up for myself, and I was inviting the fight right to me but not following through. DOG always followed through. She would grab the throats of other dogs with unyielding force and she would not let go, you had to quite literally peel her off, if you even could. She always went for the throat..the kill, the communication center… the place in me that was expanding, the place of boundary setting, where I had none. The fights were brutal, bloody, and my body would shake for hours from the energy they brought with them. I have never been the same. 

Because I simply could not see, hear, or know the messages at the time, I was stuck in a state of freeze and panic. She felt unpredictable to me and I became traumatized and riddled with anxiety over the seemingly out of no where attacks on other dogs. I felt like I had no choice but to say goodbye to her. It was the hardest decision I ever made, it felt forced  and when the decision came to me it had to happen… I can’t even explain it. It was the same feeling I had when I knew I had to say goodbye to Bro. What I now realize is that saying goodbye to her, also meant saying goodbye to the people who weren’t honoring my boundaries and truth, it meant saying goodbye to the version of me and the lessons that I was outgrowing, but I wouldn’t be able to realize or accept that until much much later. 

After she made her transition to nonphysical, I didn’t honor her. I couldn’t. I felt like I failed her, I had guilt, and shame, and blame and so many other emotions. For some reason this week I felt an undeniable urge to quit ignoring the pain and to close this chapter. To finally free her, to honor her, to claim her lessons and open up my heart again. I’ve had a deep knowing that the pain my physical body holds is rooted in something bigger than what meets the surface and I also I knew I couldn’t do it alone. So I sought out guidance from my mentor and guide, Rochelle Stanley, who guided me to connect with the deeper messages she had to offer. Rochelle helped me claim the virtues from DOG’s behavior, and heal my own wounds. 

I found gratitude for discernment, for the healing of betrayal, for the lessons in boundaries. DOG says: True love exists first through self love. Hold your boundaries and speak your truth no matter what… No. Matter. What. Speak your truth. Even if it gets you killed. (Brutal.. Honest). 

What does it mean to honor the life of another? To respect, care, love , appreciate, acknowledge.. admire.. 

What does it mean to love another? To respect, care, love , appreciate, acknowledge.. admire.. 

What does it mean to honor the boundaries  of another? To respect, care, love , appreciate, acknowledge.. admire.. 

Today, after many years, I am able to honor her, to claim the virtues that she brought to me, to stand in pure love and appreciation for her and to finally hear her.. and to set her free, and to forgive myself for not being able to hear what she was saying. 

After my session with Rochelle, my body became extremely cold and shook for nearly 45 minutes, I felt the trauma leave my body exactly the way it came in, it was profound. 

Still being human, I asked for a signier-sign from DOG so that I could really KNOW.  

The following day, I had a session with Amber, where she guided me through a soul retrieval with DOG. Wouldn’t you believe, Amber unknowingly (or knowingly) chose a song with wind chimes in it, which was powerful to me as it’s the one thing I used to honor DOG when she transitioned. I’m listening…

 We went through the journey and when I emerged on the other side, there she sat, she was happy and beautiful and whole and complete for the first time since her transition, and I could see her for the first time and experience JOY and deep appreciation and LOVE for her instead of sorrow (thank fucking god!! I missed that!) 

I couldn’t help but notice she had a spot on her tongue. She didn’t have a spot that I remember, I thought to myself…and in a split second as I started to question its meaning, her body morphed into Arlo’s and I was dumbfounded. I’d never made a single connection between DOG and Arlo, because they are extremely different from one another. Then again, I’m different now too… 

They say birthmarks are a mark of a past life. DOG’s ‘voice’ is what got her killed (sorry to be blunt, but it’s the truth). What I wouldn’t find out until years later through many healings and past life regressions is that my voice has gotten me killed many times, and in this lifetime my voice has been criticized and having to constantly be defended. 

In my session with Rochelle she found a mirrored ‘Don’t Fuck With Me’ energy in DOG and I, and she asked me what was blocking my voice, my answer: The need to constantly justify speaking my truth to those around me. 

I found Arlo by ‘chance’ she’s a beautiful dog, with a beautiful heart, and she led me back to myself… Evidently I’m a slow learner at times because I only just made the connection that the very thing I tried to stop dog from doing (biting/attacking) is exactly what I’ve been training Arlo to do (protection/bite work) since the day she came into my life. This time though, we’re not fearing or inviting the attack, we are well aware of its place in our lives. 

DOG taught me to be discerning, to be unapologetic in my voice and my boundaries. Then Arlo was born with the scars of her lessons, her essence, the expanded version of DOG, to teach me to use my voice compassionately, with discernment, but this time with an open heart. 

It’s only fitting that Bro was also a protector, and later I realized that he chose to leave this earth on Arlo’s birthday. 

Grief is lasting if you choose to close your heart, which we often do. Our animals know how to keep coming in and showing us how to open our hearts and love again. 

Thank you Rochelle, for helping me finally lay my girl to rest, It was time, and she was waiting patiently for me to get there. Thank you for bringing my joy back, and helping me find my voice again. She was a beautiful soul and she deserves to be known and honored for the bad ass GODdess that she was. 

Thank you DOG, GOD.  The light in me honors the light in you, and you are all the light in the world. 


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